Your Say

The Qualities I Look for in Choosing a Lifelong Partner


By Elisha Hosanna

These days, those who have undergone a break up have outnumbered those who are still in a relationship. People who look good have hourglass or athletic bodies, have their wallets full most of the time, and are more or less guaranteed to have a partner by their side all the time. However, these people are not necessarily the ones who know how to value other humans. It is crucial for one to find someone who is not just compatible but also always ready with a smile to brighten up the day. That is if one aims to marry the person they date.

If I were to have a life partner, I would choose someone who is bold enough to speak his mind.  The main reason couples split is because of misunderstandings. Two people can be dating for umpteen years and still not see eye to eye on certain issues. Now, I would want someone who speaks his mind so that I know what is expected of me as well as what can be expected of him. If he speaks his mind, it is easier to understand his likes and dislikes, so I can behave accordingly. If I have done him wrong, I need him to voice out and tell me where I’ve messed up, so I can improve myself. This is how one builds a healthy relationship – by sharing their comforts and discomforts. People who just swallow their thoughts and bottle up their feelings don’t go far in relationships. These are the people who like giving their partners the “silent treatment” just to make their partners wonder where they have gone wrong, and how to mend things. That is not a healthy relationship. If one keeps on being quiet for a long time, and the other makes no effort to apologise, then the relationship will go nowhere!

Another quality to look for in a lifelong partner would be someone who is rational. A rational person will be able to reason all of their actions and reactions. If a male thinks his female partner shouldn’t hang out with some of the partner’s male friends, the female partner must be told why. If a partner thinks pubs are not “cool” places to hang out at (with or without alcohol involved), this sentiment must be communicated to their partner. Saying ‘NO’ or opposing almost everything to what a partner wants to do, will only make one look like an oppressor! If someone says ‘no’ to their partner about something, they should be able to explain why, for their partner deserves to know. Being obedient in a relationship is undoubtedly essential, but expecting a partner to nod their head for everything one says is just being mere selfish, and that’s not an ideal relationship.

Last but not least, I need someone who is willing to share his responsibilities with me. When two people are in a relationship, there has to be effort to make things work. However, there will be days when one party will be feeling under the weather. When that happens, the other partner needs to step up his or her game to make things work. There will be days when I will only be able to put in 20%, and when that happens, my partner needs to put in 80% to keep the relationship going. Love is indeed a give and take policy. As much as it is wonderful to receive love, one must also be prepared to give love.

In a nutshell, falling in love may be easy, but falling out of love is even easier. That’s why the thrill of being in a relationship lies in how it is kept going over time. If both parties choose their partners wisely, there shouldn’t be a situation where one is doing too much for the relationship, and the other is doing nothing at all. Love and life can be a bed of roses. It all comes down to how much effort is put in in growing the roses.